She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
