Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
