he told me I talked like a deaf person
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
