Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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