God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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