He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
