Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
