I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
