I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
