you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
