She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
