I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
