Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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