I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
