apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
