If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
