What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
