My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
