She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
