Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
