dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
