i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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