You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and she was petting her beer can
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
