My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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