he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
