dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
