I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
