Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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