Duck Duck Cougar?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
