Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
