my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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