I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
