bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
