Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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