hotel room ftw
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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