guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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