oh god the rape fog is back!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Two words: blizzard sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
