I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
