I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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