Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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