He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
