Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I met the friendliest cop last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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