I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
