I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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