just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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