on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
