Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
