well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
