as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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