I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
