You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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