i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
